Mary Jo Foley, I Have Just One Word For You

Traitor.

Financial Results That Don't Matter

So I'll have more to say about this over on The Supersite! For! Windows! later, obviously, but let me point out that just because Apple had a profitable quarter, it doesn't mean anything. The rest of the tech blogosphere won't report this, because they're all in Apple's back pocket, but since I'm the only objective journalist in all of technology, I will.

Financial results are only one way to measure a company's success.

It's more important that you have amazing magical products like the upcoming Windows Phone (which is the subject of my next book, which is being finalized as I write this) that bring tears of joy to they eyes of everyone who uses it.

Apple's VistaPhone can't do that. Just remember that when you read how "successful" Apple supposedly is, just because their sales are up and they're raking in billions. It doesn't matter. Obviously.

The Magical Windows Phone Is Perfect

Apple zealots are touting this page, which purports to show that many cell phones have problems with signal coverage, depending on how you hold them.

Guess which company does NOT have a phone on this page?

That's right. Microsoft.

That's because the magical Windows Phone does not and will not have any of these problems (nor will it have cut and paste, multitasking, and a host of other "me too" features that don't matter anyway, because this is a magical device that will make you cry tears of joy when you use it.).

Thanks to John Gruber for sending this on to me. I love you, John. Not as much as my Magical Windows Phone, but almost.

Oh, oh, oh, it's magic

I've been a way for a while, obviously.

The truth is, I was getting kind of depressed for a while there. Apple's unnecessary and expensive iPhone had been getting a lot of attention, and then there was the whole misleading "Apple overtakes Microsoft in capitalization" issue, which was totally misreported by the clueless bloggers in the tech industry, which get everything wrong anyway. Then Microsoft had a massive layoff, and they killed my beloved Kin.

But now? I'm back. What brought me back?

It was the crocodile tears I shed when I realized that the magical upcoming Windows Phone is going to change the world with its magical integration with the equally magical Windows Live.

Seriously, this is going to change the world. Even more than the Zune, if that's possible. Trust me, you've never seen anything like it. You have to go all the way back to Microsoft Bob to find something this magical and amazing from Microsoft.

In the meantime, the Steve Jobs VistaPhone is finally turning into the disaster I predicted years ago, Apple is under antitrust investigation, and Windows Vista 2.0 7 is setting sales records that would make Michael Jackson blush.

So I'm back. It's a good time to be a Microsoft toadie.

Obviously.