Friday, June 29, 2007


At first I thought this was a joke--a picture of former-Microsoftie-turned-traitor Robert Scoble in line for an iPhone:

But then I stopped by his "Scobleizer" blog, and sure enough, he's bragging about being first in line. Even worse, he's sucking up to former Apple programmer Bill Atkinson.

I have two exclusive thoughts here, none of which you'll read anywhere else in the tech press. First, whatever else you might think about Apple, Atkinson is a true legend...he was Apple's first software developer. The guy wrote MacPaint and Hypercard! Look at the picture on Scoble's site: Why does Apple make a frail old man stand in line for an iPhone? It's repulsive, really.

The second point involves Scoble: Oh, how the mighty have fallen. This is really sad. Seeing someone like Scoble, a guy I used to really respect, sitting there on that ugly corduroy beanbag chair, with his pathetic MacBook, sucking up to the passerby for all the publicity he can's just sickening.

Unless I get distracted by something shiny, I'll have more on this issue over at the Supersite (the most popular Windows Website in this or any other galaxy) later today.

Yeah, I'm that upset.

update: Apparently even Steve Wozniak had to stand in line. I guess you can't get this overpriced keyboard-less accessory early unless you're willing to write a glowing review. Obviously.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Roly Poly Foley

Crap. I've been one-upped by Mary Jo Foley yet again:
"Apple’s iPhone is going to be compatible with Microsoft Exchange Server, after all.

"While I can’t speak to Apple’s plans regarding Blackberry and Good, my sources are saying Apple can and will make the iPhone compatible with Exchange Server.

"Here’s what I’m hearing: Apple will announce this week — possibly as soon as June 27 — that it has licensed the Exchange ActiveSync licensing protocol. Via the licensing arrangement, Apple iPhone users will be able to connect to Exchange Server and make use of its wireless messaging and synchronization capabilities."

As to the news itself, this is obviously a good thing, because the iPhone is bound to be insecure. Once the first virus tunnels through the Enterprise via an iPhone, it's game over for Apple.

But as to the real issue at hand, I have to ask Steve Ballmer: Are you punishing me because I said I planned to buy an iPhone? How do you expect me to keep writing the most popular Windows Site in the galaxy if you don't give me dibs on these scoops? Seriously.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Overpriced Keyboard-less Phone Review Roundup

I'll be so glad when Apple's overpriced, keyboard-less iPhone is finally released so I can get back to singing the praises of Vista and writing stories about how Linux is dying. In the meantime, here's a roundup of the latest in iPhone-y news, most of it written by people willing to strike a deal with King Steve of Cupertino to get one of these things in their hands early:

The New York Post gets it right:
TENS of thousands of people are expected to line up this Friday for the most hyped gadget of the decade - the iPhone.

Don't be one of them.

Wally-world Mossberg gets it wrong:
"the iPhone is, on balance, a beautiful and breakthrough handheld computer... the iPhone is a whole new experience and a pleasure to use."
David Pogue pulls his head out of Steve Jobs' ass long enough to finally publish the review he's been sitting on for months:
"...the iPhone is still the most sophisticated, outlook-changing piece of electronics to come along in years. It does so many things so well, and so pleasurably, that you tend to forgive its foibles."
And Steven Levy of Newsweek should be fired for consorting with the enemy. Whatever happened to journalistic ethics? This guy clearly got paid to write this glowing "review":
" 'Everyone we talk to hates their phones—it’s universal,' Steve Jobs told me on a call to my iPhone a couple of days ago. (The control-freaky Apple CEO was just checking up to see how I was doing.)

"iPhone is a significant leap. It’s a superbly engineered, cleverly designed and imaginatively implemented approach to a problem that no one has cracked to date: merging a phone handset, an Internet navigator and a media player in a package where every component shines, and the features are welcoming rather than foreboding. The iPhone is the rare convergence device where things actually converge."
Of course, none of this means anything until I post my comprehensive 20,000-word review on the Windows Supersite. Obviously.

edit: Corrected a minor spelling error

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Sprint Sense

So now it seems that Sprint is preparing for Friday's introduction of the overpriced keyboard-less (see my exclusive write-up on the Windows Supersite!) Apple iPhone by preparing the following excellent list of talking points for their retail staff:

  • "Using the iPhone on the GSM/EDGE network may be like having a really powerful computer on dial up."

  • "Whether you want music, email, web surfing or business files, our phones will download everything faster."

  • "Concerned about coverage? I think you’ll see that we are comparable or better than all other carriers. Let me show you the map on our Power Network Coverage Tool to verify your coverage area."

  • "We have many handsets that are MP3 players."

  • "You want to have music with your phone? Let me show you the new Upstage or the Fusic II."

  • "Any music phone from Sprint lets you download songs instantly – out of thin air."

  • "Are you sure 4G or 8G is enough storage for you? To give you a comparison, most iPods/MP3 players hold 40 to 60Gigs or more."

  • "The Upstage takes external mini-disks for unlimited storage."

  • "Sure we have less expensive phones than the iPhone. The MotoQ, for example, is only $79 and is an MP3 player, PDA, camera, mobile internet device, and of course, a phone."

  • "Most current Smartphones have secure email necessary for business functionality. "

  • "The iPhone uses Yahoo and Mac email which is not secure. "

  • "[iPhone] has a non-replaceable battery. "

  • "[iPhone] offers no external storage. "

  • "The iPhone is an Apple product and has some nice features. It also has a nice price. Do you really need all those features in one device?"
Good stuff. But they forgot to mention the number one reason to not buy an iPhone, offered up by my good friend Rob Enderle:
"I think dropping it is likely."

"A lot of kids are going to get this phone. Kids do a lot of 'blind' texting on their phones" without looking at the screen, sometimes while they're driving, Enderle said. "With a touch screen phone, you have to look at the screen."

"One of these children is going to end up in someone's trunk," he said. "Often it's the vendor that's held accountable."
Of course, Rob will take a lot of heat from Macintosh zealots for pointing out what everyone already knows--if your kid buys an iPhone he'll die. Obviously.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Baby You Can Drive My CARS

Once again, the MacWeb rises to the occasion and, through the indisputably brilliant CARS website, recognizes my brilliance, putting me ahead of Rob Enderle in their rundown of the greatest tech sites on the web.

And they didn't even mention Mary Jo Foley.

Or Walt Mossberg.

Take that, David Pogue!

Darling Furball

So I returned from an overnight visit to France to discover that Gruber linked to this blog. I nearly choked on my Brie when I looked at the stats. I haven't seen this much traffic since I last checked the Windows Supersite.

Maybe I should start selling T-shirts, too.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

I Have More Class Than That

John Gruber is at it again.

I have more class than to call someone a jackass (well, actually, I don't), but Gruber is once again picking on the second most influential and intelligent writer in the tech industry, my good friend and pundit, leader of the heavily-staffed Enderle Group, Rob Enderle.

I don't know what's up with guys like Gruber. This long-winded T-shirt salesman needs to go back to work. Get a real job, hippie. Maybe you could write a tech site like mine...the most popular Windows Site in the Known Universe. Seriously.

Friday, June 22, 2007


I often write about the sorry state of the "MacWeb"--a loosely defined term for they myriad Apple-fanboy blogs and so-called news sites that write about Apple. Unlike the professionals like myself (who writes for The Most Popular Windows Site on the Planet), these hacks drool buckets over every pronouncement Steve Jobs makes.

But every now and again, one site gets it right. Here's a rumor I can't wait to see in the harsh light of day. For once, it looks like Apple might be ahead of the curve.

Ballmer, are you listening?

A Mac Site Gets it Right

It looks like whoever is doing the hiring over at TUAW finally picked up someone who can do some real analysis.

Remember: Agreeing with Paul is always the right thing to do.

Thanks, "Dan Pourhadi". Whoever the hell you are.


As I revealed in an EXCLUSIVE! story on Paul Thurrott's Internet Nexus, I do plan on purchasing an iPhone. Obviously.

Never mind that my massive fingers won't be able to work the lilliputian keyboard (have I mentioned that I have huge hands, Steve?), or that the thing's just ridiculously overpriced, or that I already have about 50 phones courtesy of my friends at Microsoft that run the clearly superior Windows Mobile operating system.

I have to have some credibility when I write my article for the Supersite for Windows (the most popular Windows website in the known universe) saying what a piece of useless overpriced crap it is. Someone has to serve as a foil to that uptight Walt Mossberg. It may as well be me.

In the meantime, you can check out my EXCLUSIVE story over on the Nexus. You won't want to miss it!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Screw Steve Jobs

Ever since Steve Jobs called me out on his blog, I've been seething with undisguised rage. Who does that little twit think he is? Doesn't he know I run the most popular Windows site on the planet?

The gloves are off, Stevie. Hang's gonna be a bumpy ride.