Cleanup on Aisle Five

Does anyone have a towel? I need one, obviously, after my latest column. In it, I used up all my adjectives to describe the orgasm-inducing thrill I feel running up and down my leg every time someone mentions Microsoft. If anyone doubts my status as chief cheerleader for The Software Giant™, please put those fears aside and check out the list of superlatives I laid on Mr. Ballmer's company:

"a revolution" .. “most exciting company in tech, hands down.” ... "amazing" ... “Microsoft is suddenly riding a wave of excitement and enthusiasm."..."It’s breathtaking" ..."incredible" ... "delivering a solid vision" ... "amazing" (again)" ... "decidedly positive" ... "this is huge year for Microsoft" ... "not evolutionarily but ... fairly dramatic" ... "The most exciting company in tech, hands down? I think the case can be made, yes."

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to find my pom-pons. Obviously.

Not A Tech Enthusiast

I have repeatedly told you people that Paul Thurrott is not a Microsoft shill. Or a Microsoft Zealot. Or a Microsoft lackey. I am a Tech Enthusiast.

BWAHAHAHAHA. Good one, right?

I'm such a Tech Enthiusiast, in fact, that I have purged products from Apple Inc. from my life. Yeah, there's no sense in burdening myself with the most popular and well-designed products on the market. They're just not EXCITING! ENOUGH! FOR! PAUL! THURROTT!

God, I can't wait for Surface to surface. In the meantime, I'll be enjoying my Yugo Kindle Fire instead of that pesky iPad, and anything with the name "Windows" or "XBox" for virtually everything else. I just can't be bothered with quality any more. I'm "all in" on second-rate technology. My readers expect nothing less.

Obviously.