Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Sprint Sense

So now it seems that Sprint is preparing for Friday's introduction of the overpriced keyboard-less (see my exclusive write-up on the Windows Supersite!) Apple iPhone by preparing the following excellent list of talking points for their retail staff:

  • "Using the iPhone on the GSM/EDGE network may be like having a really powerful computer on dial up."

  • "Whether you want music, email, web surfing or business files, our phones will download everything faster."

  • "Concerned about coverage? I think you’ll see that we are comparable or better than all other carriers. Let me show you the map on our Power Network Coverage Tool to verify your coverage area."

  • "We have many handsets that are MP3 players."

  • "You want to have music with your phone? Let me show you the new Upstage or the Fusic II."

  • "Any music phone from Sprint lets you download songs instantly – out of thin air."

  • "Are you sure 4G or 8G is enough storage for you? To give you a comparison, most iPods/MP3 players hold 40 to 60Gigs or more."

  • "The Upstage takes external mini-disks for unlimited storage."

  • "Sure we have less expensive phones than the iPhone. The MotoQ, for example, is only $79 and is an MP3 player, PDA, camera, mobile internet device, and of course, a phone."

  • "Most current Smartphones have secure email necessary for business functionality. "

  • "The iPhone uses Yahoo and Mac email which is not secure. "

  • "[iPhone] has a non-replaceable battery. "

  • "[iPhone] offers no external storage. "

  • "The iPhone is an Apple product and has some nice features. It also has a nice price. Do you really need all those features in one device?"
Good stuff. But they forgot to mention the number one reason to not buy an iPhone, offered up by my good friend Rob Enderle:
"I think dropping it is likely."

"A lot of kids are going to get this phone. Kids do a lot of 'blind' texting on their phones" without looking at the screen, sometimes while they're driving, Enderle said. "With a touch screen phone, you have to look at the screen."

"One of these children is going to end up in someone's trunk," he said. "Often it's the vendor that's held accountable."
Of course, Rob will take a lot of heat from Macintosh zealots for pointing out what everyone already knows--if your kid buys an iPhone he'll die. Obviously.


Anonymous said...


You told Leo Laporte in your Windows Weekly podcast that you were going to buy an iPhone.

By the way, here's the iTunes (I know; I'm sorry) URL for that - surely one of the best and most popular podcasts out there.

Now you've just told us an iPhone can kill you. So why do you want one? have you got a deathwish or something?

Not Paul said...

anonymous: I have to maintain some credibility. If I don't own a product, how can I say it sucks? Unfortunately, my name isn't Walt Mossberg or David Pogue, so I can't get my iPhone for free. Besides, Apple is only using the iPhone to kill children.

Follower said...

I'm sure Mr. Enderle also tried in good conscience to inform the reporter about the negative effects of operating an iPhone in a hurricane, but his comments were cut, presumably for space reasons.

Fake Phil said...


Every time you make a negative comment about the iPhone another Apple customer is born.


Oh, and what I mean by that is that you're a hack and some people actually do the opposite of what you say.

Just to be clear.

FakeDvorak said...

Phil, you obviously don't know what I, nor Paul are truly about. We educate the poor Appletards. This is why they're always running around throwing hissy fits. It takes away a part of their unconditional love for Apple every time we point out something wrong with your company. Eventually, they'll crack, realize Apple and Jobs as the totalitarians that they are, and buy a Windows or Linux PC as they should.