Microsoft Wins Another Major Award

The accolades keep rolling in for Microsoft Windows Vista. This time, cnet puts the Software Giant's newest operating system on another Top Ten List:

Any operating system that provokes a campaign for its predecessor's reintroduction deserves to be classed as terrible technology. Any operating system that quietly has a downgrade-to- previous-edition option introduced for PC makers deserves to be classed as terrible technology. Any operating system that takes six years of development but is instantly hated by hordes of PC professionals and enthusiasts deserves to be classed as terrible technology.

Windows Vista conforms to all of the above. Its incompatibility with hardware, its obsessive requirement of human interaction to clear security dialogue box warnings and its abusive use of hated DRM, not to mention its general pointlessness as an upgrade, are just some examples of why this expensive operating system earns the final place in our terrible tech list.

Any publicity is good publicity, right? If cnet (or any other tech rag besides the fair and balanced "Windows IT Pro") thinks they can stop the Windows juggernaut, they're nuts. Vista is a raging success, sorry. Anyone who says otherwise is just delusional. Obviously.

I Suck At Math

So I'm lousy at math, but I'm going to run some numbers here. Help me figure out what's wrong.

Over on Paul Thurrott's Supersite Blog on Paul Thurrott's Supersite For Windows, I wrote:

"...there are one billion people using Windows right now, compared to about 25 million on Mac OS X. Do the math."

So I took my own challenge and did the math.

1,000,000,000 Windows users. 88 million copies of Vista shipped (not actually in use, but never mind that). That amounts to 8.8% of Windows users actually using Vista, which first shipped nearly a year ago.

25,000,000 Mac users (again, my numbers). 2 Million copies of Leopard sold in the first 48 hours. That amounts to 8% of Mac users using the newest OS in less than a week.

This can't mean Leopard is more successful than Vista, can it?

No way. That's just not obvious.

Ou My God!

Over on The! Supersite! For! Windows!, I wrote the following:

"George Ou casts a light on a dirty little secret for Microsoft: It's* Windows Media DRM platform was open to the world for a whopping three months. I have just have one question here. What took so long?"

Actually, I already know the answer, but my corporate overlords at The! Supersite! For Windows! won't let me blog about it there. But I have no such restrictions here, so I'll tell you the truth now.

The major labels ignored this problem because they hoped Microsoft's service would pick up some steam. Remember that in his ridiculously self-serving "Thoughts on Music" manifesto, Apple Inc. King For Life Steve Jobs intoned:

"...a key provision of our agreements with the music companies is that if our DRM system is compromised and their music becomes playable on unauthorized devices, we have only a small number of weeks to fix the problem or they can withdraw their entire music catalog from our iTunes store."

My sources at Microsoft tell me that the labels weren't too upset about the breaking of Microsoft's DRM because it would probably mean more people would sign up for the subscription service in order to get "oodles" (their exact word) of free music. They intended to use the rising subscription rates as leverage in their ongoing negotiations with Apple.

Microsoft just waited the required "small number of weeks" to post the fix that they obviously had in hand from almost day one. It's not like these guys can't create a patch. They're not incompetent, after all.

But for some reason, word never got out, and the service never really gained any traction.

Still, you at least know the truth. Microsoft wasn't incompetent, they were just playing it smart.

Obviously.


* Yes, I know that there's no apostrophe in a possessive its. I just don't give a fuck. Obviously.

Meow

Okay, so the new Mac OS is out today after two years and numerous delays.

As I've noted before, this is clearly an incremental update. There's nothing new or revolutionary here. But then, I've said that about every Mac update, except OS X 10.0, which I think I called a trainwreck. Or something.

Honestly, Apple hasn't done anything that hasn't already been done in Windows, UNIX, or some other OS. Their entire history has been one of small, incremental updates:

System 1.0, Finder 1.0
System 1.1, Finder 1.1g
System 2.0, Finder 4.1
System 2.1, Finder 5.0
System 3.0, Finder 5.1
System 3.2, Finder 5.3
System 3.3, Finder 5.4
System 3.4, Finder 6.1
System 4.0, Finder 5.4
System 4.1, Finder 5.5
System Software 5.0
System Software 5.1
System Software 6.0
System Software 6.0.1
System Software 6.0.2
System Software 6.0.3
System Software 6.0.4
System Software 6.0.5
System Software 6.0.6
System Software 6.0.7
System Software 6.0.8
System Software 6.0.8L
System 7.0
System 7.0.1
System 7 Tuner
System 7.1
System 7.1 Pro
System 7.1.2
System 7.1.2
System 7.5
System 7.5.1
System 7.5.2
System 7.5.3
System 7.5.3 Revision 2
System 7.5.3 Revision 2.1
System 7.5.4
System 7.5.5
Mac OS 7.6
Mac OS 7.6.1
System 7.0.1P
System 7.1P1
System 7.1P2
System 7.1P3
System 7.1P4
System 7.1P5
System 7.1P6
Mac OS 8.0
Mac OS 8.1
Mac OS 8.5
Mac OS 8.5.1
Mac OS 8.6
Mac OS 9.0
Mac OS 9.0.2
Mac OS 9.0.3
Mac OS 9.0.4
Mac OS 9.1
Mac OS 9.2
Mac OS 9.2.1
Mac OS 9.2.2
Mac OS X 10.0 (Cheetah)
Mac OS X 10.1 (Puma)
Mac OS X 10.2 (Jaguar)
Mac OS X 10.3 (Panther)
Mac OS X 10.4 (Tiger)
Mac OS X 10.5 (Leopard)

These were all small, incremental, insignificant evolutionary updates. Which means the Mac hasn't really progressed at all since it was introduced in 1984.

Obviously.

Weary

It's tough to be me.

A few people have asked why I don't update this blog more often. The fact is, it's tough when you're as busy as I am. I have to update Paul Thurrott's Supersite for Windows, Paul Thurrott's Supersite for Windows Blog, Paul Thurrott's WinInfo and Paul Thurrott's Internet Nexus daily. On top of that, I have Paul Thurrott's Grass To Cut, Paul Thurrott's xBox to play, and Paul Thurrott's Wife's Mac to maintain.

Like I said, it's tough to be me.

It all leaves precious little time to head over to this secret corner and converse with you folks, particularly since I'm not making any money from this site.

But soon, I may be shutting down the Nexus. After all, I'm only one man (even if I do have unnaturally huge hands). That should give me more time to spend on this site, which is more of a hobby, obviously.

So stay tuned. I'll post my exclusive thoughts on all the latest tech news right here very soon.

And Still Not As Good As A Wii

Mac rumor sites were all abuzz this week at the possibility of Halo developer Bungie splitting off from Microsoft. Apple fanatics took this as a sign that their precious Macs might actually be suitable one day for gaming.

Seriously. That's how these people think.

Of course, this is ridiculous. The Mac as a gaming platform is about as serious as the Wii as a viable competitor to the xBox. But while Microsoft gamers are enjoying Halo 3, here's something for you MacHeads. This was actually featured on the front page of Macworld News. It's almost enough to make me feel sorry for "Mac Gaming Correspondent" (I actually threw up in my mouth a little when I typed that) Peter Cohen. Almost:

MTV Networks’ Nickelodeon Kids and Family Group and Hasbro on Thursday announced the availability of Monopoly: SpongeBob SquarePants Edition and Candy Land: Dora the Explorer Edition, available as downloads via Nick Arcade, and coming to CD later this month.

Sorry, but that's the true state of Mac gaming. Obviously.

Microsoft Wins A Major Award (careful: It's "fragee-lay")

Microsoft finally gets some recognition:

On September 3rd, ISO announced that the Microsoft proposal had not gathered enough support to be accepted as it is. ISO will now review the comments made on the proposal, and make a final decision in February 2008. FFII president Pieter Hintjens explains, "we could never have done this by ourselves. By pushing so hard to get OOXML endorsed, even to the point of loading the standards boards in Sweden, Denmark, Switzerland, Portugal, Italy, and beyond, Microsoft showed to the world how poor their format is. Good standards just don't need that kind of pressure. All together, countries made over ten thousands technical comments, a new world record for an ISO vote. Microsoft made a heroic — and costly — effort to discredit their own proposal, and we're sincerely grateful to them."

The FFII Board says the monopolist can collect its prize of 2,500 Euros, minus the cost of registering the noooxml.org domain, 12 euros.

50,000 people from almost a hundred countries have signed the FFII's petition against OOXML to date. Hintjens concludes, "OOXML is not yet dead, even though it's been seriously discredited. Microsoft has one last chance to fix the design flaws and patent problems, and present a clean proposal next February. We think they will make cosmetic fixes and then push all the harder. It's exactly the worst approach and will alienate many governments, possibly spelling the end of their global office monopoly."

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I love the Europeans.

edit: Some people have pointed out that I'm misinterpreting this and it's a bad thing. To the contrary. You people lack my superior analytical skills. All publicity is good publicity, and smart-assed little stunts like this only make Microsoft look good. Obviously.

CNET Abandons Common Sense

Seriously, there's just no excuse for garbage reporting like this. CNET hack "Don Reisinger" write an article so full of lies and distortions, it tells me he's either high as a kite, or auditioning for a PR position in the Bush Administration. In an article titled, "Why Microsoft Must Abandon Vista", he calls the latest OS from the software giant "one of the biggest blunders in technology" (apparently he forgot about Windows Mistake Millennium Edition and Microsoft Bob).

Among the highlights:

"With each passing day, it's becoming blatantly clear that Microsoft released Vista too early and the company's continual mistakes and promises that can't be kept are further annoying the Windows faithful."

"The road ahead looks dangerous for Vista and Microsoft must realize that. With Mac OS X hot on its tail, Vista is simply not capable of competing at an OS level with some of the best software around. If Microsoft continues down this path, it will be Vista that will bring the software giant to its knees--not Bill Gates' departure."

"The time is up. Microsoft must abandon Vista and move on. It's the company's only chance at redemption."

I don't even know where to begin.

Here's the bottom line, folks: Microsoft is so dominant, it doesn't matter if Vista is a giant steaming turd (which it's not, obviously). No one's interested in the Mac outside of a few wealthy college kids and style-fanatics. No OS with less than 3 percent market share is going to "bring Microsoft to its knees". And Linux? Phhhht. Don't get me started. Grandma can't even comprehend the "Start" menu, let alone the command line.

Vista sales are fine. Microsoft is doing better than ever. Trust me. This guy is just trolling for (and apparently taking a few) hits. Obviously.

I Fought The Law

So Microsoft, simply because they're Microsoft, has to put up with silly lawsuits from the likes of the European Union. I've been telling you it's only a matter of time until Apple has to face the legal music.

It's already started:

"Suit claims O.J. Simpson is "hitman" for Steve Jobs.

"Filed September 21 in the United States District Court Middle District of Florida, the 3-page handwritten complaint alleges that Simpson has been Jobs’s "hitman" since the "1985 MOVE house bombing in Philadelphia, which Jobs started with borrowed pyrotechnics from Great White.

"As for his other roles in the legal escapade, Jobs is charged with aiming nuclear missiles at Riches' brain and Lance Armstrong's bicycle, as well as price gouging iPhone customers."

Jobs and his minions will get this dismissed, obviously. But mark my words...it's the start of a trend. Frankly, it's about time.

Beam me up to the Enterprise

Good grief. Here's yet another ridiculous article from E-Weak analyzing the recent EU ruling. This time, it focuses on the nonexistent "Enterprise Mac" market:

"The Court's decision against Microsoft, which upheld the Commission's finding that the Redmond, Wash., company abused its monopoly status and prevented full interoperability with other operating systems and mandated that Microsoft disclose information that would allow other server products to achieve feature parity.

" 'Currently, Mac OS X, Linux and Unix servers can access only a subset of the functionality' offered in a homogeneous Windows environment, said Matthew Sparby, a technology consultant in Minneapolis, Minn."

I have news for you, "Matthew Sparby". Currently, there is no Enterprise market for the Mac. Oh, you might find a few Mac servers in public universities or in the hands of some media producers, but that's about it. Windows is just better, sorry. All this talk about the Mac in the Enterprise is about as relevant as Linux on the Desktop.

Laughably, the article goes on to say:

"Neil Ticktin, publisher and editor-in-chief of MacTech magazine, agreed that the European court's ruling has "quite possibly a significant positive impact" for Apple.

"...more people may be forced to look at other options, but more importantly, people may have the opportunity to see the cost savings with Mac OS X Server...Mac OS X Server has nice support for heterogeneous environments, including those typically served by Windows servers. And, since Apple's flat pricing avoids per-seat charges that are common on the Windows side, the cost savings is substantial."

Sorry, but "substantial" my ass. The commodity-level pricing of Windows components, combined with the ease-of-use from the company that brought you Windows Wizards and "Clippy" is just too good to pass up. Don't even get me going on the supposed "benefits" of Linux--another toy hobbyist OS.

Real companies hire real people to work on real servers, sorry. In the real world, that means Windows, not some tinkertoy consumer OS from the company that brought you "Photo Booth" ("say cheese" indeed).

And what is "MacTech" magazine? This whole article is a joke, obviously.

update: MacTech magazine's website says "MacTech is read by technical Macintosh users ... from network administrators to programmers, from solution providers to Enterprise, and in general anyone that's interested in the Macintosh beyond the user level." In other words, about four people. What a joke.

Look To Your Right, All You Haters

To everyone that commented on my last post: Look at my profile picture.

Now, look to the right of the picture..

See where it says "Not Paul"? Right there at the top? Seriously, if you're too lazy to scroll to the bottom, you should at least be able to look to the right and figure out that this page is satire. Obviously.

Heaven Help Us All

I've written about this before, but the Nintendo Wii is a joke.

If ever there was a doubt, this story from CNN proves my point. It turns out 103-year-olds are hooked on the Wii. The best part of this story is watching the loser correspondent try to master Wii bowling and failing miserably.

It also says something for the mainstream media in this country when the stunning success of Microsoft's xBox and the millions of dollars generated by the gaming community is ignored for this geriatric puff piece. It's just pathetic.

Folks, if you're not playing Halo 3 on your xBox, you're not a serious gamer. Sorry, but the world doesn't need your type. And this can only spell more problems for Nintendo. I know the population is aging, but if your target market is Aunt Agnes at the nursing home, you've got a problem. Obviously.

Truth Hurts

So Woot drops the price of the Zune, then drops it again to an astonishing $129 for the 30GB model.

And how do they react to the public outcry? Take a look at this open letter from Woot's Larry Stalin:

I have received more than three emails from Zune buyers who are upset about Woot dropping the price of the Zune by $20 one month after it went on sale the first time. After reading every one of these emails, or at least scanning their subject lines, I have some observations and conclusions.

First, I need to make a better effort to hide my email address.

The Zune is a breakthrough product, and we have the chance to “ride the lightning” and “shoot the curl” this holiday season, not to mention “kill the messenger” and “rock the vote”, further enabling us to “pay the rent” and “keep the lights on”. It benefits both Woot and every Zune user (but especially Woot) to drag as many new victims as possible into the Zune “dungeon”. We strongly believe that misery loves company this holiday season.

For some reason, our early customers trusted us. We must live up to that trust with our actions in moments like these, lest you turn off the money spigot that maintains our decadent lifestyles. These peacock-egg omelets and mink-lined Jacuzzis don’t pay for themselves, you know.

We want to convincingly pretend to do the right thing for our valued Zune customers. We’d apologize for disappointing some of you, but we long ago lost the capacity for sincere remorse. We will continue to do our best to trick you into having high expectations of Woot.

This is brilliant. I only wish I were this good a writer. Obviously.

Opinion: Microsoft Needs To Grow A Set

It's not often that I criticize my cash cow Microsoft, but the time has come to call these people out for what they are: a bunch of sniveling pussies.

This week brings the news of a Microsoft defeat in the European Union. The mother-freakin' EU! Folks, I know these people. Have I mentioned that I've been to Europe? Believe me, the wine over there ain't all on the vines. Aside from an astonishing lack of personal hygiene, a lackadaisical approach to, you know, work, and a tendency to blame everything that's wrong in the world on the United States, most of these people run to Mommy Government whenever they perceive they've been slighted.

Normally, I don't have a problem with that. But these crybabies are upset that Microsoft includes (*gasp!*) a MEDIA PLAYER with Windows.

Cry me a river, Eurotrash.

Don't get me wrong. I love Europe. I think France represents the pinnacle of civilization. Any country that doesn't have NASCAR is A-OK with me. But what makes Microsoft great is pure, unadulterated, unfettered capitalism. Well, that and the ability to abuse its monopoly power to run roughshod over the competition.

But enter the EU (apparently through Microsoft's "back door", if you get my drift). These wusses try to tell one of the most successful companies in history how to do business in their pathetic collection of rag-tag has-been states...and MICROSOFT LETS THEM GET AWAY WITH IT!

Look at this tepid response to losing this lawsuit from the software giant: "We want to move forward, in compliance with the 2004 decision."

Oh, I can see all of Europe shaking in their collective shoes. But wait, there's more!

"We have conveyed our willingness to license those technologies. As a matter of business policy and approach to the industry, we are prepared to license to others in our industry, on reasonable and nondiscriminatory terms, the technologies that are important to interoperability,"

Like I said: Pussies.

You want to know why Microsoft stock has been so stagnant for the past half-decade or so? It's because of jackasses like these clowns in the EU that want to stifle good old American-style free enterprise. It works on this side of the pond, and it'll work there too.

It's time to grow a set, Microsoft. Obviously.

Rotten To The Core

Those of you that love Apple should be concerned. And those of us that love Microsoft should be rejoicing.

I'm not a religious person per se, (although I do worship at the altar of Redmond, and I've been known to participate in the ritualistic chair-throwing ceremony now and then) but even I'm chanting: Verily, yea, these are the endtimes. Witness these stunning developments in the Apple universe over the past few weeks alone:

• Steve Jobs announces a slew of new iPods, but the news is dominated by a consumer-unfriendly price drop of $200 on the still-overpriced and underpowered iPhone. Apple responds by offering a lame in-store credit of $100 to status-seeking suckers who bought the first version.
  
  
• Hackers figure out how to unlock the iPhone, infuriating already-angry AT&T executives, who are already fuming that they weren't informed of the aforementioned price drop until after the fact, and can't understand why the Apple Stores are outselling the AT&T Stores by a 2-to-one margin (hint: Apple stores have cuter bags. Never underestimate the lure of fashion to an Apple zealot).
  
  
• Apple introduces "ringtones" on the somewhat popular iTunes Music store. Not only is this capability immediately hacked, but it also doesn't work.
  
  
• NBC responds to Apple's statement that the Network wanted to charge too much for its TV shows on Apple's somewhate popular iTunes music store by making its shows available on Amazon.com for the same price or less as Apple's store. Your volley, Steve-O?
  
  
• The mainstream tech media echoes what I've been saying for years: Apple is the new Evil Empire. Way to come around, guys. I've been telling you this ever since the introduction of the iPod.

In the meantime, Microsoft is issuing betas of its Windows Live Suite, Windows Home Server is coming along nicely, Windows Media Center Extenders are poised to take over your living room, and the Zune just had a price drop (which Apple copied shamelessly the next day). You'd have to be nuts not to see that this all adds up to a big problem for the iPod Giant.

What started this rash of bad news? Obviously, the 3-head review I gave the iPhone over on The Supersite for Windows (the most popular Windows website in the known universe) created a paradigm shift that finally woke people up to the reality of Apple. And no, I'm not going to bump up my three-head review. I've given Apple enough head. The way they're screwing their customers these days, it's time they gave some back.

edit: Thanks to sharp-eyed reader "anonymous" (that's Greek for "I'm a prick") who pointed out an important spelling error. Note to anonymous--if you like spelling errors, be sure to read my other sites where I never make corrections! It's EXCITING!

The Beat STILL Goes On

I'll have more to say about Apple's announcements (including their ridiculous consumer-unfriendly price drop) later, but let me be perfectly clear about one thing: I was not wrong. The Beatles are coming to iTunes.

Just not today. Obviously.

Rumors and Fact

Over on the Nexus, I've accurately reported that Apple will soon offer music from "The Beatles" on its somewhat popular iTunes Music Store in the near future. The tagline for their upcoming special event, "The Beat Goes On", is a clear reference to the "Fab Four":


But now, there's some hand-wringing going on at Mac fanboi sites like this one, and this one, and this one, who claim that there may not be a Beatles-related introduction at Apple's upcoming "special event".

How many times to I have to say this? You can't trust Mac rumor sites, sorry. But you can trust the author of the most popular Windows website in the discovered universe (namely me). The Beatles are coming to iTunes. Obviously.

Ripoff

Over on the Nexus, I wrote about the ridiculous (and obvious) ripoff of the calculator interface for the overpriced Apple iPhone. I mean, come on:


But it's not the first time.

Remember the "revolutionary" Bondi Blue iMac? A clear ripoff of a classic game:



And the most egregious example--Apple's ripoff of 3M's "Post-it" notes with their lame "stickies" (thanks to John Gruber for pointing this one out):




It's this one, though, that really makes you go wonder what they're drinking in the Cupertino water. Look at Apple's obvious use of Braun-inspired holes:


Folks, this is is pathetic. I mean, come on...if you don't see it, you're just not trying. Obviously.

Funnyman

Longtime reader "anonymous" (is that greek for "Jackass"?) writes that I'm just mean, not funny.

So just for "anonymous", here's something funny.

Happy now?

Hubris

I'm often perceived as a Microsoft toadie or zealot. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The fact is, I like and use Apple products. I've written positive things about the iPod, and the Windows Supersite (the most popular Windows site of its kind in the known universe) is full of great reviews of great Apple products.

It's Steve Jobs I can't stand.

Jobs is the walking embodiment of everything that is both right and wrong with Apple. I'll give him credit where credit's due: He's a great showman, and even something of a visionary, although that vision usually involves taking other people's ideas and making them better.

What gets me about Jobs is that he's a jerk. Stories about Jobs are legendary. From parking in handicapped spots to firing people randomly in elevators, the guy just comes across like a know-it-all prick, sorry.

If you need proof of the hubris of this guy, just take a look at how he pissed people off during the last round of new product introductions. Jobs took the stage to introduce a new iMac and an update to the company's previously excellent iLife software.

Jobs spoke in grand terms about the company's redesign of the iMac, as if it was anything more than a minor update. Never mind that the new glossy screen is a complete disaster for anyone working in a brightly-lit corporate environment. The company doesn't offer you an alternative. Steve knows best.

Then, he demonstrated the new re-write of the company's venerable "iMovie" program, which has raised the ire of Mac fans worldwide by basically eliminating all the advanced functions that were previously available. Even über-zealots like David Pogue are complaining. Loudly.

Next, Jobs fussed that "some people still like to make DVDs". Yes, you heard it right. Steve Jobs thinks DVDs are a dying technology. News flash, Steve: Wal*Mart sells more DVDs in a single day than the sales figures for AppleTV all year. Jobs is so convinced that DVDs are dead that he had his engineers remove the ability to insert chapter stops in iMovie.

Then, he introduced a crappy paper-thin wireless keyboard that eliminates basics like the numeric keypad. What is it with Jobs' obsession with being thin? Will somebody please give this guy a hamburger?

Apple apologists are legion, but luckily, many of the Apple fanatics are starting to see Jobs for what he really is, finally. The fact is, Apple does make some fantastic software and hardware. But everything is subject to the whim of Steve Jobs, so when Apple decides to drop features that people really like (such as matte screens on iMacs, or advanced features in iMovie), there aren't any developers or hardware manufacturers that can help fill that niche. The "Apple Faithful" are basically told, "you'll eat every bean and pea on your plate*. And you'll like it."

That's why the Microsoft ecosystem is just better. Obviously.



* Say it out loud. It sounds funnier than it reads.

Someone Should Put Music to This

I'd edit this to music myself, but my wife didn't bring her Mac Mini to France:

Fake Steve Jobs Outed

So this is interesting, if not particularly newsworthy. At least we know RFSJ wasn't John Dvorak (Andy Ihnatko took himself out of the running a while back). For a while I suspected my good friend Rob Enderle, but then again, he's too busy supervising his massive staff at the Enderle Group to be bothered by that kind of nonsense.

For a while, I was even a suspect. But I'm too busy posting my exhausting exhaustive multi-part review of Apple's overpriced iPhone over at the Windows Supersite (the most popular Windows website on the planet!), not to mention posting brilliant analysis at Paul Thurrott's Internet Nexus and WEB EXCLUSIVES! at WinInformant. Plus, I'm in France. Compared to the wonders of Europe, the whole "fake" phenomenon is uninteresting, obviously.

Don't Make Me Squirt You With My Brown Zune

I don't know who "John Pospisil" is, but apparently he's another Paul Thurrott wannabe, in the sense that he thinks he's a real tech reporter. He's not.

In this pathetic article, Pospisil (is that his real name?) quotes the brilliant Robbie Bach from Microsoft, who speaks eloquently about the phenomenal gains the Zune is making in the MP3 player market:

"You'll also see us broaden the brand, where today I think the Zune brand is a little bit sort of in the hard-core niche music space, we want to broaden it into the broader music space, and you're going to see that happen again over time"

Robbie likes the word "broad" a lot.

But then Popsicle, or whatever his name is, puts his caustic pen to paper and writes this tripe about the Zune's market share:

"Of course what Bach failed to mention was that the hard-disk-based media players are only a small proportion of the overall media player market, with most media players using flash memory for storage rather than hard disks. This means Microsoft’s market share of the total media player market is even smaller than it might at first appear."

Whatever. This guy's got spin that'll make you dizzier than Paris Hilton riding the teacup at DisneyWorld after taking Ecstasy. I've already pointed out that the Zune is number two in Hard Drive-based sales, Number One in brown MP3 player sales, and has no competition whatsoever for its proprietary file format!

Guys like Pospisil just don't get it. Obviously.

I Love The French

Over on the Nexus website, I wrote about the long, involved and painful process of getting my overpriced Apple iPhone running in France. I love that I'll be able to write this trip off as "research" for my upcoming EXCLUSIVE review of the iPhone.

Anyway, what I didn't tell you in that article is this: the French made a few concessions and adjustments to let me use the iPhone in their country. Since I travel here so often (and they're so happy to have me) they were thrilled to do whatever needed to be done to allow me to continue my research.

I think this was worth it:


Obviously, you can't take the elevator to the top any more, but the view was unimpressive anyway.

Billions, Schmillions

Greetings from France. It's nice to be in a country that has an even lower market share for Apple products than the United States. People are just so much more enlightened here. More on this later, but first I have to get this out of the way:

So Apple claims to have sold 3 Billion songs via the iTunes Music Store. It's unclear how many of these are giveaways, and how many represent actual sales, but whatever. Those are the numbers they're pushing, so it's what we have to work with. The Mac web and their willing accomplices in the mainstream tech press are falling all over themselves to report this "achievement".

I don't see why this is a big deal. On the excellent Paul Thurrott's Internet Nexus, I've used elaborate charts like this one to show that iTunes has peaked and is clearly dying:


But some of you still don't get it. So here are the only numbers you really need to know:

Number of Zunes sold: Over 1,000,0000
Number of songs sold on the iTunes music store that will play on the Zune: ZERO
Number of songs sold on the iTunes music store that will play on any portable player other than the iPod: ZERO

Look at this chart for proof (click on the image for a larger version):


It's only a matter of time until Apple's feeble efforts in music sink the company into irrelevancy. The number speak for themselves. Obviously.

Et tu, Dvorak?

It's as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.


A lot of you have e-mailed me with the news that the formerly-respected John Dvorak has "turned Mac". I've avoided writing about it for a while because frankly, Dvorak isn't very interesting. But I can't ignore this forever, so here we go:

Guys like Dvorak really annoy me. Here's a guy who's made a career out of Mac-bashing, and he had the credibility to do it. He used to be the back-page columnist for MacWorld, until he saw the light and became a PC guy.

Now, he writes an (obviously) Mac-baiting article designed to up his hit count, impress his editors and get him lots of ink, while all the while he admits that a Mac is not his primary machine, never will be, but that he recommends them to his friends.

Note to Dvorak: It's called eating your own dogfood, Johnny-boy. If you're going to make your living writing about the wonders of Windows and baiting Mac fanbois, you need to be true to your word. You'd never see my good friend Rob Enderle pull this kind of crap. Now put down that toy, pick up the mouse with those chubby little fingers, cruise your lardass over to the DELL website and pick up a real computer preloaded with the exciting Vista software*. What the hell were you thinking?

*See the exhaustive review at Paul Thurrott's Supersite for Windows!

Something's Fishy

Those of you who read the excellent "Paul Thurrott's Internet Nexus" will note that I've done my best to point out that Apple is less and less focused on the Mac these days, obviously. Ever since they dropped the word "Computer" from their name, Steve Jobs has been obsessed with iPods, the ill-fated AppleTV and the overpriced Apple iPhone. Apple simply doesn't care about desktop computing and, therefore, Macs. Here are a few samples for those you you that haven't been paying attention:

From June 11: "I think that we will all look back on this day as the time when we stopped thinking about desktop OSes and focused on the mobile, Web-based future."

From June 13: "And now we know that OS X is as mature an OS as is Windows and, in the end, there's really just not much you can do beyond the evolutionary stuff. Ultimately, that's why the mobile device stuff is so exciting, at least on the Apple side: It's a place where Apple can continue to make big advances."

And I've repeatedly pointed out that Apple doesn't care about the Mac any more. We had a MacWorld where Steve-O didn't even talk about the Mac! I've been beating this drum for a long time.

Anyway. That's what makes Apple's recent earnings announcement so disturbing. Most Macs sold in a quarter ever? What's up with that? Of course, all of this means nothing. Since the larger PC market is also growing (although not as fast as Apple), they have to run several times as hard just to post even minor gains. Their 2.49% worldwide market share is still a pimple on the ass of Windows.

But still, I have to wonder how they were able to sell so many Macs in a single quarter, especially when my flawless analysis showed that Apple doesn't really care about selling computers any more.

It's a good thing I have a trip to France coming up. I need to ponder this.

Hats off to Woz

Unlike that other Steve, Steve Wozniak is a class act. The guy even stood in line to get his overpriced iPhone (although to be honest, he was probably afraid King Jobs wouldn't follow through on his promise to give him one the next day).

Anyway. Apparently "The Woz" has compiled a list of features he'd like to see on the iPhone, and he plans on presenting this to His Jobsness the next time they meet. I think Wozniak has come up with the ultimate feature. According to this article, "he’d also like to display the temperature, in Celsius, on the home screen."

That's a great idea, and one I'll be sure to add this obvious missing feature to my comprehensive iPhone review on Paul Thurrott's Supersite for Windows if I ever get around to completing it. Celsius is just better, sorry. Whenever I visit France, I marvel at their sophisticated use of this temperature-measurement system. Fat Americans just don't get it, and Woz will make a huge contribution towards the betterment of this country if he can convince the other (stubborn) Steve to do the right thing.

One More Time

So I was Googling Windows Live™ searching my name this morning, and I came across this gem:

"Thurrottup finally fixed his comparison to accurately reflect the fact that Apple's pricing is, indeed cheaper."

Here we go again. Another Mac loser that doesn't know how to pronounce my name. It's pronounced "Thir-ROT", not "Thir-ROW". I realize the second pronunciation would be more French-like, and thus closer to perfection, but it's not. If you're going to criticize me, please get it right. It's one thing to spell my name wrong (something that happens a lot, obviously), but it's altogether different to make a bad joke that doesn't even make sense.

One more time: It's "Thir-ROT", as in "The thoroughly rotten Mac OS", not "Thir-ROW", as in "Row on down the river Hades to buy a copy of Vista". It's unclear to me how anyone can fail to understand this.

On a Personal Note

One of my problems is that people just aren't nice enough to each other.

I've been on the receiving end of a lot of this. I know that's surprising--especially being one of the most respected tech journalists on the planet, the author of Paul Thurrott's WinInfo, Paul Thurrott's Internet Nexus, and Paul Thurrott's Supersite for Windows, and the author of many bestselling books. Some people think I have a big ego. Go figure.

Despite being the epitome of "fair and balanced", people continue to throw eggs at me. I've been called everything from a Jackass to a Gutless Troll. The children over at Roughly Drafted have made a career out of criticizing me. It's really weird, because I don't deserve it. For instance, I've received some flack for my recent post involving the omnipresent Google cameras. If you haven't read it, go over to the excellent Paul Thurrott's Internet Nexus and check it out.

I'm not stupid. I know that those really aren't "Google's" cameras. I know that Microsoft's "Live Earth" offers the same functionality (and it's even better. Obviously). And I know that there's no way to do real-time surveillance using Google.

Folks, none of this matters.

I'm trying to make a point here. Google is Evil. Never mind that I use their services, love their e-mail, schedule with their calendars, use their search engine, and blog with their blogging tools. I only do these things so you don't have to. I want to protect you from the Evil that is Google, and I can't do that effectively if I don't gaze into the eyes of the beast, so to speak. If I have to get hyperbolic to make my point now and then, so be it. At least it gets me quoted. Not as often as my good friend Rob Enderle, but often enough. And that's what matters.

It's the same with the Mac. Despite owning Macs, forcing my wife to use one, and writing exhaustive reviews and commentary on every gadget Apple produces, I am and remain a Windows guy. Why? Basically, I haven't figured out a way to really make money from Apple. Plus, I can't stand that arrogant Steve Jobs, obviously. But none of that compromises my credibility.

So while I understand some of the criticism from Apple fanbois, Penguin-heads and Microsoft-haters, I'm here to tell you it's totally unjustified.

Are You Being Served?

Finally, Microsoft gets one right:

Microsoft has filed another patent, this one for an "advertising framework" that uses "context data" from your hard drive to show you advertisements and "apportion and credit advertising revenue" to ad suppliers in real time.

This is what we need, people. Better ads.

Thankfully, Microsoft isn't bound by some silly (and irrelevant, sorry) corporate directive to "do no evil". It's about time Microsoft took off the gloves and started competing directly with the hypocrites at Google. This is a good thing. Now, when Microsoft indexes your hard drive (under the auspices of easy "desktop search"), they can direct targeted ads based on your personal information.

Who wouldn't want this?

I can understand why people would be uneasy if this were being offered by Apple or Google. But this is Microsoft we're talking about, folks. As they say in their own patent application:

"The ability to derive and process context data from local sources rather than monitor interactions with a remote entity, such as a server, benefits both consumers and advertisers by delivering more tightly targeted advertisements. The benefit to the user is the perception that the ads are more relevant, and therefore, less of an interruption. The benefit to the advertiser is better focus and a higher chance of conversion to a sale."

Obviously.

No Post

I'm off to France this weekend for a well-deserved break from iPhone mania. I'll report back on Monday with my travel woes and news about how much more intelligent, enlightened, and polite the French are. Obviously.

See you then.

The $1,975 iPod

I don't know what's going on here, but first I had to compliment John Gruber today, and now Mac Zealot Tom Yager gets it right:

"The unhappy fact is that for all the glamorous marketing and positioning, iPhone turns out to be the worst $1,975 investment (iPhone plus two years minimum, mandatory service) you could make in mobile communications. If you put that kind of money into a BlackBerry, Treo, Windows Mobile, or Symbian device, you will be blown away by what a genuine professional mobile handset can do for you, out of the box, through incremental improvement by the manufacturer and wireless operator, and extension by downloadable third-party software."

I sense a disturbance in the force.

On Comments

You'll notice that I allow comments on this blog, wheras on other Paul Thurrott-branded sites, comments are not allowed (Paul Thurrott's WinInfo is an exception, but I don't call the shots there. Obviously.).

There are a few good reasons for this. First, hardly anyone reads this blog, so it doesn't matter much here. I'll re-evaluate the comment policy if it gets popular. Second, I don't need comments from rabid Mac Zealots clogging up my bandwidth. Since I don't pay for hosting this blog (thank you, Google), again, it doesn't matter.

But the best justification for not allowing comments comes from, of all places, long-winded T-Shirt salesman John Gruber, who said in a recent interview:

"I wanted to write a site for someone it’s meant for. That reader I write for is a second version of me. I’m writing for him. He’s interested in the exact same things I’m interested in; he reads the exact same websites I read. I want him to like this website so much that he reads it from the top to the bottom, and he reads everything. Every single word. The copyright statement, what software I use, he’s read it all.

"If I turn comments on, that goes away. It’s not that I don’t like sites with comments on, but when you read a site with comments it automatically puts you, the reader, in a defensive mode where you’re saying, “what’s good in this comment thread? What can I skim?”

"It’s totally egotistical. I want Daring Fireball to be a site that you can’t skim if you’re in the target audience for it. You say, “Oh, a new article from John. I need to read it,” and your deadlines go whizzing by because you have to read what I wrote."

Translation: I'm brilliant, you're not, I don't need you.

I never thought I'd find myself agreeing with Gruber, but there you have it. Even a broken clock is right at least once a day.

Sinking the iPhone

Over on the excellent "Paul Thurrott's Internet Nexus" website, you'll read my three part, 2,000-word look at sync problems with Apple's overpriced, underpowered iPhone. For those of you that can't understand why I'm spending so much time and energy covering synchronization, let me explain it to you this way: The iPhone, unfortunately, is excellent. I've spent every waking moment since I got this thing trying to find its Achilles Heel, and it looks like sync might be it.

Therefore, it would be irresponsible for me to ignore it, or not write about it in excruciating detail. My regular readers would expect no less from me. My only fear is that by the time I get around to writing the actual review, Apple will have sent out a software update fixing whatever problem I might be having. That's why it's important to write so much so soon. I need to get quoted and stop whatever momentum the iPhone has, even if I have to do it singlehandedly.

Even Name Sounds Funny

In one of my more brilliant headline-grabbing moments, I recently opined (on "Paul Thurrott's Internet Nexus") that "The Wii is a joke, a novelty console that doesn't offer much staying power. Either the 360 or PS3 would be a better choice for almost anyone."

I stand by that statement, sorry. The Wii is Nintendo's lame attempt at emulating the shocking success of the Xbox 360, albeit with crappier games and that stupid "Wii-mote". Even the price of the thing screams, "I'm Cheap!" The Wii is the Britney Spears of gaming consoles--cheap, easy, fun to play with for a while, but ultimately unsatisfying.

And now (as if you really needed it) there's another reason to buy the technically-superior Xbox: Microsoft is extending the warranty! Now you can easily "brick" your Xbox by running it for a couple hours in an enclosed box, and get a new one whenever you like! What other company offers you this kind of easy replacement goodness? This is a billion-dollar investment in you.

I guarantee you this: You'll never get this kind of consumer-oriented response from Sony or Nintendo. I'm on my third XBox, and despite the constant bricking, the loud fan, and the scratched discs I've experienced, I'd rather chew tinfoil soaked in urine than play with my Wii.

And don't even get me going on the PS3. Never mind that Sony just dropped the price by $100. Unless you want to watch high-definition movies straight out of the box (in the technically-inferior BluRay format), this thing offers nothing over the superior Xbox. Besides, when you purchase the separate and technologically-superior $200 HD-DVD player for your Xbox, you get to have one more item in your home from Microsoft. And who wouldn't want that, really?

Photo from wiiwii.tv

Wordsmith

So like I said before, I'm not going to review the iPhone until I've had the chance to put it through its paces (and see what everyone else thinks. Obviously.).

But that won't stop me from writing about the iPhone. So far, between the excellent Internet Nexus website, my popular Windows Supersite and my "news" site at WinInformant, I've written an astonishing 5,600 words on the iPhone already. I might have written more, but I'm not counting comments on Mac message boards under various pseudonyms. To put that in perspective, that's about a month's worth of articles from that hack David Pogue.

Keep in mind that these aren't "reviews". As the tech world's most important writer, and the author of The Most Popular Windows Website in the Galaxy, I must be thoughtful and considerate, choosing my words carefully. These are "news" stories, "first impressions", "observations" and "thoughts". So don't quote me, because my opinion can and will change. Obviously.

What's In A Name

Over on the excellent "Paul Thurrott's Internet Nexus" website, I wrote: "I'm adult enough to be frisky without having to call anyone a jackass."

Actually that's not true. Dave Winer is a Jackass, as I have repeatedly pointed out. I only wrote what I did because I was poking at t-shirt salesman John Gruber.

Anyway. I got thinking about this when I read a New York Magazine article about Steve Jobs that stated, "Yet the most common descriptor applied to him, by friends and foes and even Jobs himself, is 'asshole.' "

That got me thinking. I wonder what people say about me? So here are the results:

Paul Thurrott Asshole: 13,300 results
Paul Thurrott Jackass: 580 results
Paul Thurrott Asshat: 154 results

Clearly I'm not in Steve Jobs' league. Yet. But I'm still slightly ahead of that do-gooder Mary Jo Foley and my good friend Rob Enderle, who come in at 11,400 and 988, respectively.

Take that!

Thurrott-le Down The Hype

A lot of Mac fans (translation: zealots) don't "get" guys like me and the esteemed Rob Enderle. To these flavor-aid swilling devotees of Cupertino, Apple can do no wrong, and anyone who says otherwise is either a Microsoft shill, or just plain delusional. They don't realize there's a whole world outside the walled garden that is Apple Inc.

That's why I'm so important to the tech world. I provide balance. The iPhone is a perfect example...even though I've already written more about the iPhone than anyone else on the Internet, I haven't posted an "official" review yet. That's because these things take time. I must first put my finger in the wind,* read what everyone else has to say, damn the unit with faint praise, then key in on any minor shortcomings with laser beam-like focus, proclaiming that Apple missed the mark. It helps if I can compare it unfavorably to a Microsoft product.

It's an important service that I offer. After all, I wouldn't want to be like these hacks:

Michael DeAgonia (Computerworld.com) proclaims the iPhone worthy of Star Trek: "Forget communicators and phasers. I have something better and seemingly more advanced. I have an iPhone..."

This dweeb conveniently omits the fact that the iPhone does not serve as a Tricorder, leaving you without the ability to gather critical medical information in the event of an emergency. It's stunning that Apple would leave out this critical feature.

Lev Grossman at TIME magazine needs a towel: "Whoever managed this project at Apple will be hailed as a Michelangelo, and the iPhone his or her Sistine Chapel..."

How ridiculous. The iPhone doesn't even include the most rudimentary version of Paint. What's the point of a touchscreen if you can't treat it like a tablet? Pathetic.

And speaking of towels, the folks over at "stuff.tv" have this to say: "...if you’re concerned about a smudged screen...heck, that’s what sleeves are for – or if you’re fussy, you could always use the included cloth. In fact, you might need to keep it to hand – a few hours with the iPhone is guaranteed to be a very steamy experience."

Aside from the obvious--ick--this one is a no-brainer. There is no porn included on the iPhone. With all those bundled apps, you'd think they'd throw the early-adopter geeks a bone, so to speak.

It just goes on and on, folks. Seriously, someone needs to serve as a glass of ice water in this Hell of congratulatory back-slapping. That's what I'm here for. Balance.

Plus, let's be honest...it takes time to do a thorough review of a product like this. First, I have to try almost singlehandedly to quell the hype. Then, I'll write a few kind words about how the product is good, but ultimately flawed. Then, I'll mercilessly mock it over on my WinInfo "news" site (in both regular articles and as part of a future "Short Takes"), while simultaneously praising it in a "Connected Home" article. Finally, I'll write up a 30,000-word essay over on the Windows Supersite (the most popular Windows website on this or any other planet), where I'll give it four or so "Paul Heads", and call it a day.

THAT is how you do a review.


*After pulling it out of my arse, of course.

It's Not Just My Hands

So obviously, I got my iPhone, and I've already written about how my massive hands (see my EXCLUSIVE! iPhone preview over on the Windows Supersite) can't quite type well on this thing.

Have I mentioned I have freakishly large hands? You know what they say about people who have big hands.*

Anyway, it's not just my hands that are big. Read about my big "but" over on the Nexus.

*They have big gloves.

iDiot

At first I thought this was a joke--a picture of former-Microsoftie-turned-traitor Robert Scoble in line for an iPhone:


But then I stopped by his "Scobleizer" blog, and sure enough, he's bragging about being first in line. Even worse, he's sucking up to former Apple programmer Bill Atkinson.

I have two exclusive thoughts here, none of which you'll read anywhere else in the tech press. First, whatever else you might think about Apple, Atkinson is a true legend...he was Apple's first software developer. The guy wrote MacPaint and Hypercard! Look at the picture on Scoble's site: Why does Apple make a frail old man stand in line for an iPhone? It's repulsive, really.

The second point involves Scoble: Oh, how the mighty have fallen. This is really sad. Seeing someone like Scoble, a guy I used to really respect, sitting there on that ugly corduroy beanbag chair, with his pathetic MacBook, sucking up to the passerby for all the publicity he can get...it's just sickening.

Unless I get distracted by something shiny, I'll have more on this issue over at the Supersite (the most popular Windows Website in this or any other galaxy) later today.

Yeah, I'm that upset.

update: Apparently even Steve Wozniak had to stand in line. I guess you can't get this overpriced keyboard-less accessory early unless you're willing to write a glowing review. Obviously.

Roly Poly Foley

Crap. I've been one-upped by Mary Jo Foley yet again:

"Apple’s iPhone is going to be compatible with Microsoft Exchange Server, after all.

"While I can’t speak to Apple’s plans regarding Blackberry and Good, my sources are saying Apple can and will make the iPhone compatible with Exchange Server.

"Here’s what I’m hearing: Apple will announce this week — possibly as soon as June 27 — that it has licensed the Exchange ActiveSync licensing protocol. Via the licensing arrangement, Apple iPhone users will be able to connect to Exchange Server and make use of its wireless messaging and synchronization capabilities."

As to the news itself, this is obviously a good thing, because the iPhone is bound to be insecure. Once the first virus tunnels through the Enterprise via an iPhone, it's game over for Apple.

But as to the real issue at hand, I have to ask Steve Ballmer: Are you punishing me because I said I planned to buy an iPhone? How do you expect me to keep writing the most popular Windows Site in the galaxy if you don't give me dibs on these scoops? Seriously.

Overpriced Keyboard-less Phone Review Roundup

I'll be so glad when Apple's overpriced, keyboard-less iPhone is finally released so I can get back to singing the praises of Vista and writing stories about how Linux is dying. In the meantime, here's a roundup of the latest in iPhone-y news, most of it written by people willing to strike a deal with King Steve of Cupertino to get one of these things in their hands early:

The New York Post gets it right:

TENS of thousands of people are expected to line up this Friday for the most hyped gadget of the decade - the iPhone.

Don't be one of them.

Wally-world Mossberg gets it wrong:

"the iPhone is, on balance, a beautiful and breakthrough handheld computer... the iPhone is a whole new experience and a pleasure to use."

David Pogue pulls his head out of Steve Jobs' ass long enough to finally publish the review he's been sitting on for months:

"...the iPhone is still the most sophisticated, outlook-changing piece of electronics to come along in years. It does so many things so well, and so pleasurably, that you tend to forgive its foibles."

And Steven Levy of Newsweek should be fired for consorting with the enemy. Whatever happened to journalistic ethics? This guy clearly got paid to write this glowing "review":

" 'Everyone we talk to hates their phones—it’s universal,' Steve Jobs told me on a call to my iPhone a couple of days ago. (The control-freaky Apple CEO was just checking up to see how I was doing.)

"iPhone is a significant leap. It’s a superbly engineered, cleverly designed and imaginatively implemented approach to a problem that no one has cracked to date: merging a phone handset, an Internet navigator and a media player in a package where every component shines, and the features are welcoming rather than foreboding. The iPhone is the rare convergence device where things actually converge."

Of course, none of this means anything until I post my comprehensive 20,000-word review on the Windows Supersite. Obviously.


edit: Corrected a minor spelling error

Sprint Sense

So now it seems that Sprint is preparing for Friday's introduction of the overpriced keyboard-less (see my exclusive write-up on the Windows Supersite!) Apple iPhone by preparing the following excellent list of talking points for their retail staff:

• "Using the iPhone on the GSM/EDGE network may be like having a really powerful computer on dial up."


• "Whether you want music, email, web surfing or business files, our phones will download everything faster."


• "Concerned about coverage? I think you’ll see that we are comparable or better than all other carriers. Let me show you the map on our Power Network Coverage Tool to verify your coverage area."


• "We have many handsets that are MP3 players."


• "You want to have music with your phone? Let me show you the new Upstage or the Fusic II."


• "Any music phone from Sprint lets you download songs instantly – out of thin air."


• "Are you sure 4G or 8G is enough storage for you? To give you a comparison, most iPods/MP3 players hold 40 to 60Gigs or more."


• "The Upstage takes external mini-disks for unlimited storage."


• "Sure we have less expensive phones than the iPhone. The MotoQ, for example, is only $79 and is an MP3 player, PDA, camera, mobile internet device, and of course, a phone."


• "Most current Smartphones have secure email necessary for business functionality. "


• "The iPhone uses Yahoo and Mac email which is not secure. "


• "[iPhone] has a non-replaceable battery. "


• "[iPhone] offers no external storage. "


• "The iPhone is an Apple product and has some nice features. It also has a nice price. Do you really need all those features in one device?"

Good stuff. But they forgot to mention the number one reason to not buy an iPhone, offered up by my good friend Rob Enderle:

"I think dropping it is likely."

"A lot of kids are going to get this phone. Kids do a lot of 'blind' texting on their phones" without looking at the screen, sometimes while they're driving, Enderle said. "With a touch screen phone, you have to look at the screen."

"One of these children is going to end up in someone's trunk," he said. "Often it's the vendor that's held accountable."

Of course, Rob will take a lot of heat from Macintosh zealots for pointing out what everyone already knows--if your kid buys an iPhone he'll die. Obviously.

Baby You Can Drive My CARS

Once again, the MacWeb rises to the occasion and, through the indisputably brilliant CARS website, recognizes my brilliance, putting me ahead of Rob Enderle in their rundown of the greatest tech sites on the web.

And they didn't even mention Mary Jo Foley.

Or Walt Mossberg.

Take that, David Pogue!

Darling Furball

So I returned from an overnight visit to France to discover that Gruber linked to this blog. I nearly choked on my Brie when I looked at the stats. I haven't seen this much traffic since I last checked the Windows Supersite.

Maybe I should start selling T-shirts, too.

I Have More Class Than That

John Gruber is at it again.

I have more class than to call someone a jackass (well, actually, I don't), but Gruber is once again picking on the second most influential and intelligent writer in the tech industry, my good friend and pundit, leader of the heavily-staffed Enderle Group, Rob Enderle.

I don't know what's up with guys like Gruber. This long-winded T-shirt salesman needs to go back to work. Get a real job, hippie. Maybe you could write a tech site like mine...the most popular Windows Site in the Known Universe. Seriously.

LOLApple

I often write about the sorry state of the "MacWeb"--a loosely defined term for they myriad Apple-fanboy blogs and so-called news sites that write about Apple. Unlike the professionals like myself (who writes for The Most Popular Windows Site on the Planet), these hacks drool buckets over every pronouncement Steve Jobs makes.

But every now and again, one site gets it right. Here's a rumor I can't wait to see in the harsh light of day. For once, it looks like Apple might be ahead of the curve.

Ballmer, are you listening?

A Mac Site Gets it Right

It looks like whoever is doing the hiring over at TUAW finally picked up someone who can do some real analysis.

Remember: Agreeing with Paul is always the right thing to do.

Thanks, "Dan Pourhadi". Whoever the hell you are.

myPhone

As I revealed in an EXCLUSIVE! story on Paul Thurrott's Internet Nexus, I do plan on purchasing an iPhone. Obviously.

Never mind that my massive fingers won't be able to work the lilliputian keyboard (have I mentioned that I have huge hands, Steve?), or that the thing's just ridiculously overpriced, or that I already have about 50 phones courtesy of my friends at Microsoft that run the clearly superior Windows Mobile operating system.

I have to have some credibility when I write my article for the Supersite for Windows (the most popular Windows website in the known universe) saying what a piece of useless overpriced crap it is. Someone has to serve as a foil to that uptight Walt Mossberg. It may as well be me.

In the meantime, you can check out my EXCLUSIVE story over on the Nexus. You won't want to miss it!

Screw Steve Jobs

Ever since Steve Jobs called me out on his blog, I've been seething with undisguised rage. Who does that little twit think he is? Doesn't he know I run the most popular Windows site on the planet?

The gloves are off, Stevie. Hang on...it's gonna be a bumpy ride.