By the numbers

Microsoft Sells 1 Million Kinect Devices in First 10 Days

So it's unclear why this number isn't higher, but it's still fantastic. To put it in perspective, it's about 999,999 more than the number of Windows Phone 7 Phones sold in the same period.

Just To Be Clear...

...this isn't Microsoft's fault either.

Everything Is Someone Else's Fault

So it's unclear why the Tear-Inducing Magical Windows Phone 7 Phone isn't selling particularly well, but then again, I take comfort in knowing it's not Microsoft's fault. Obviously. Mr. Ballmer has been busy planting stories informing journalists about the real reasons:

It's AT&T's Fault

It's the fault of the partners

It's a manufacturing problem

It doesn't matter anyway, because Microsoft is being chased by a bear. Whatever the hell that means.

So rest easy, dear reader. All is well in Microsoft-land, and the Tear-Inducing Magical Windows Phone 7 Phone will be just fine. Obviously.

An Amazing Day

Today is clearly an amazing day as the Magical Tear Inducing Windows Phone 7 Phone goes on sale at AT&T. As you can see, the lines are nothing short of remarkable, obviously. It's unclear why anyone wouldn't trade in their Druid or iPhoney today for the Windows Phone 7 Phone, along with a copy of my latest book, "Paul Thurrott's Windows Phone 7 Secrets by Paul Thurrott".



Look again! See those lines? Amazing!

Being a Dickhead: Then and Now

What I said then:

"While the Apple-loving press holds its collective breath for what is expected to be an early 2010 announcement of an iPod touch-based tablet computer, the real deal is coming from a company with almost of a decade of tablet PC experience. Microsoft is now in the final stages of developing a book-like tablet device (code-named Courier) that completely rethinks the concept of personal computing."

What I say now:

"I was amused to see the headline 'Apple Takes 95% of Tablet Market,' since another way to say that is, 'Apple Takes 95% of iPad Market,' as there are no other products actually competing in the tablet market. ... I have to wonder. When Apple has a market all to themselves and somehow instantly cedes 5 percent of that market, why is that less newsworthy than Apple being unable to crack 5 percent of the worldwide PC market after over 12 years of steady gains?"

Or better yet, why has Microsoft given up 95% of a market it had all to itself until about seven months ago? It doesn't matter, obviously. The iPad isn't a "real" table, it's an overpriced toy. In that segment, Apple owns everything.

Amazing New App

While the rest of you iDiots and Druids are playing on your silly little so-called "smartphones", I'm going to be drooling over the amazing array of applications available for my magical, special and tear-inducing Windows Phone 7 phone.

Be sure to read my EXCLUSIVE! review here of the latest amazing app available for this all-new platform. It's called "Flowerz". Isn't that clever? The brilliant engineers at Microsoft spelled flowers with a Z. Magical. A sure sign of the wonders yet to come.

Take that, Apple and Google. Nothing you ofer can possibly compare to my magical, special, tear-inducing Windows Phone 7 phone. Obviously.

Fantasy Versus Reality

What I wrote:

"Something unusual happened Monday in New York: Microsoft launched a new smartphone platform and no one hated it. And no, I'm not joking"

What they said:

"Windows Phone 7 is the slickest, most impressive version of Windows on a mobile phone that Microsoft has yet produced. But that’s not saying much – and even if the actual quality of the operating system has much to recommend it, it offers little that will revolutionise the very crowded smartphone market."

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/microsoft/8056190/Windows-Phone-7-first-review.html

"Best I can tell, there's nothing you can do on Windows Phone 7 devices that you can't do on an iPhone, BlackBerry or Google Android device."

http://www.usatoday.com/tech/wireless/phones/2010-10-12-windowsphonelook12_ST_N.htm

"No caveats now: Windows Phone 7 is a waste of time and money. It’s a platform that no carrier, device maker, developer, or user should bother with. Microsoft should kill it before it ships and admit that it’s out of the mobile game for good...anyone who gets one will prefer a lump of coal. I really mean that."

http://www.infoworld.com/d/mobilize/windows-phone-7-dont-bother-disaster-211

"Windows Phone 7 already has been declared a "disaster" and a "doomed" enterprise with a failed business model. It's a "step back" according to some number of developers and users of the older, and now incompatible, Windows Mobile OS."

http://www.cio.com/article/623227/Microsoft_s_Mobile_Ambitions_Ride_on_New_Windows_Phone_7_Handsets

"But good is not enough. I'm not talking about a couple of missing feature like copy and paste, which the company promises will arrive shortly. Can Microsoft create a platform that stands out enough to compete with Android and Apple? Will it be different enough that consumers are hungry for it? Will it be pervasive enough that developers want to invest limited resources in making apps for it?

If there is a company that has the heft to launch a competitive offering, it's Microsoft. Ballmer has spent a reported $400 million to advertise its new operating system, and he has the necessary partnerships with carriers to be taken seriously. But if that's not enough, the company won't get another "do-over." It might be time for Ballmer to set his sights on an external acquisition like the engineering powerhouse Research in Motion."

http://tech.fortune.cnn.com/2010/10/11/microsoft-windows-phone-7-simply-not-that-different/

No, I'm not joking. I'm just full of shit. Obviously.